Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Doctor Noize a/k/a Cory, The new Wiggle!

News flash!

The Wiggles have chosen ...Doctor Noize a/k/a Cory!

Press release:

Wow, do I have some big news for you this month! Here are this month's Top Five Noizy Thingz...

1) Doctor Noize Joining The Wiggles!
I wanted the Noizemakers to be the first to know of the amazing career development that has just been presented to me: I am joining The Wiggles. It has all happened very quickly and unexpectedly, and I am as shocked as you are by all this, so let me explain...

2) The Inside Story! (Noizemakers Exclusive)
To thank you all for your support over the year(s), I have been given permission by the legal team to give you the exclusive inside scoop on all this before the official announcement in May. So here it is: Those in the know know (is writing "know know" a "no no"?) that things have been a bit squiggly in the Wiggly world for the last several months. This is because, quite simply, a creative rift occurred between the founding members of the band.

3) Murray's Choice
Hip parents know Murray. He's the Wiggle who plays an instrument. Anxious for a new creative direction after 16 years on the road with The Wiggles, Murray wanted to go in more of a "wiggly wiggly wip wop" direction to urbanize the sound and appeal more to kids in the big city streets whose parents never buy children's music. But the other three members held firm and wanted to honor their time-tested "wiggly wiggly woo hoo" style. And being a band of four white guys from Australia who can't dance, the "woo hoo's'" won out. So after this tour, Murray is bidding farewell to the band he co-founded to start his own band, which has a working title of "The Booty Cuties." Needless to say, Murray is this month's Noizemaker Of The Month, for messing up a good gig and opening the door for me to step into the block-colored shirt. Here's to you, mate!

4) My New Persona!
This is where I come in. In privately assessing a host of possible replacements, the Wiggles Management Team ascertained that I had made a quick splash on the scene but that my career was still relatively in its infancy. In other words, I was market tested, but had a small enough share of the market that nobody would really care if I stopped. So I guess you could say the stars were aligned and it was my lucky day. They rung me up and the rest is history. In marketing meetings down under, we’ve already determined my Wiggles personality: I’m gonna be Cory, the rebel American Wiggle with the Miami Vice stubble beard. Also, sometimes I will wear a striped shirt instead of a block color. Because I just can’t be contained. Exclusive for Noizemakers, here's a sneek peek of an early promo picture. Note that I'm takin' over the red shirt, but I'm takin' it in a new direction: My own!

5) My New Artistic Direction!
I realize one or two of you will be disappointed that the next Phineas CD will never be released, which means you'll never learn the end of the story (that's part of my contractual agreement). But I'm sure you'll understand that I have to do what's best for my family, which is to make a bunch of money and be off on tour most of the year meeting "Woupies" (Wiggle groupies). And the music I contribute to The Wiggles will be more geared toward the average mass market listener -- you know, the ones whose favourite classical composer is Andrew Lloyd Webber. Click here for an Exclusive Song Demo featuring some characters I'm developing for the Wiggles canon -- The Fishy Wishies, a multicultural and politically correct group of Five Fin-tastic Fishies who sing about proper behavior. I hope you love it!
More soon, I promise. Thanks for yer support from yer buddy for life,
Doctor Noize a/k/a Cory "The American"

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